beberapa hari ini saya jadi orang yang NVA rasanya, gara-gara lab sedang direnovasi, jadi berasa gak ada hal yang bisa saya lakukan buat ngelanjutin tugas akhir saya yang sampai sekarang belum 100% selesai. beberapa hari ini isinya cuman jalan-jalan, nimbrung di lab yang satu, trus ke lab yang lain, abis itu kalo bosan pelariannya ke mall, nonton, maen2,
sebenarnya saya merasa sangat berdosa, meskipun saya menikmatinya, menikmati hari-hari kemalasan saya, yang mungkin akan harus dibayar mahal abis ini, gara-gara sempat meninggalkan pekerjaan yang harusnya saya selesaikan.
saya bingung, bukan bingung karena saya menggunakan renovasi lab sebagai alibi, tapi bingung dengan diri saya sendiri. terkadang saya merasa saya bukan orang yang mampu jadi orang yang membawa manfaat besar bagi orang lain. like others did. saaya merasa sangat kurang memberikan kontribusi pada tim tempat saya bernaung, ya tim ini3D, yang terdiri dari 7orang hebat, 6 orang hebat kecuali saya.
ada Safir dan Yuli yang merupakan tulang punggung, ada Azlan sang pemimpin, ada Zinzi, Anis, dan Fitrah, sang pekerja keras, sedangkan saya,hmm saya bingung menggambarkan diri saya sendiri 
. saya merasa banyak hutang sama mereka semua, banyak hutang sama safir, sama yuli, sama azlan, sama fitrah, sama zinzi, sama anis. ya saya punya banyak hutang sama mereka. nggak tau pake apa nanti ngebayar semua utang ini.
saya juga utang maaf sama safir, fitrah, azlan, yuli, zinzi, anis. saya punya utang maaf sama kalian semua, i just don’t know how to tell you and how to pay you that. maaf jika saya menjadi penghalang atas usaha kalian semua untuk lulus 3,5 tahun, maaf
Assalamu’alaykum.. Tus, tus..
Here’s my words special for you. May be these words will not cover all of my feeling for you.
My friend, I think I will not permit you to apologize to me. Because it’s me, the right person to apologize, not you. I’m sorry to make you feel like that. I don’t think I have the right to called “tulang punggung”. To be true, I am almost on the same state with you. Yes, i disappointed with you for feeling like that, because you’re not supposed to. I think, every little thing like that, you must tell me as your friend or at least as your teammate. I am not a magician or a mind reader. People must talk to me if they want me to understand. Just sometimes I feel I can read them. But not when I’m on the state where I rather run from this routine too. Not, you’re not owe me. I owe you for being a useless friend and useless teammate.
Hopefully, we can talk like in the past, when everything is more fun to do and we can smile without hiding a bad feeling. We can walk in the same path, too. Unless you prefer to play hide and seek and let no one to found you. I am here (You have my number, right?). Always. Waiting for your text or call.
The last thing, may Allah SWT bless you. Believe that every path that you walk is the best you ever had for you.
Assalamu’alaykum..
Based on your reply on SMS, this is my reply on that.
I actually can read you, that you didn’t have any intention to play hide and seek or whatever, that you confused and just can’t tell anyone what were your feelings, that you have no bad feeling to hide. Your post is a good start to reveal anything.
Now, I’ve just realize that we’re almost in the same state that we didn’t understand ourselves, then we tried to understand, but couldn’t do that too. I think we lost a while. But now I finished that, I hope you finished too, don’t you?
Here’s my story. When I lost, I have a feeling status, -I feel like I struggle and fight alone-, truly. I felt you left me. I don’t think that contribution is valued by your works. Your works didn’t mean much and can’t be compare with the time we spend together, you being my friend to support, that’s more valuable for me. I don’t know if you realize this, I’m a person who really need a best friend. When I feel I lost them, I lost myself. So I make a distance, because I couldn’t read my friend, I must try to understand how to read again. And odd me for make a distance, it just couldn’t resolve anything.
I’m not so into works in UDK team, what’s each other feeling is what I considered more. I’m not proud when I do more works than anyone, neither I feel he/she will proud when do more works than me. We’re help each other. I help you, you help me.
Here’s what I really disappoint about a team, I have no feeling about “I AM ON THE TEAM”, I don’t feel like a team member. I know this is individual work. I can’t judge wrong who ever think like this. But I think individual work is almost officially. I really think that this is team work. I just can’t stand if there were people who just stick to their work when he/she have capability to do more. That’s my perspective. That’s not definitely true and I’m not pointing to anyone (I mean this).
Note: I forgive you, even I don’t really know what I forgive you for. And don’t ever say that you have this post on anyone at least they know themselves. I think this post is kind of secret. hehehe.
^_______^
Quote: There will always “us” in “trust”
#terharupengennangis
keinget jaman2 perjuangan TA dulu ya fir,
#jadipengennangisjuga
iyo, tus.. apalagi liatin anak” skrg jg lg TA d ebiz..
Aduh kalian….
Ini posting sama commentnya satu kesatuan ya…
#janganajaksayabuatnangisjuga